(Written on 05/19/06)
If you've visited this website any time in the past few months, you've probably been asking yourself, "Just what does Russ plan to do with this website? Surely he must have more in mind than just a picture of computers and books!"

Fortunately, an exciting event interrupted my morning routine, prompting me to create this nifty web page which you now have the pleasure of reading!

At about 9:00 this morning, I took a little trip, and came back with some beautiful souvenirs!

As the pavement rushed toward me, I had little time to concern myself with the danger of a sprained wrist or fractured elbow, but fortune smiled upon me, as my face was there to break my fall!

(To be a bit more specific, I managed to catch my foot underneath a rock while I was jogging down an inclined stretch of sidewalk, resulting in one hard-core face plant!! YEEEOUCH!! I'd swear that rock jumped onto my foot out of nowhere, but then my peripheral vision ain't always so hot. Of course, the real irony is that I was jogging because I was late for an appointment half a block away from where I'd parked my car, which turned out to have been canceled. Relish the irony, baby...relish it!!)

Knowing that urgently seeking medical attention is of utmost importance in an emergency situation such as this, I naturally did what any sensible person would do, by swiftly going home, photographing myself, and posting a message about it on my website.


   ("And if you think I look bad, you oughtta see the other guy...")

Somehow, I managed not to lose any teeth, though they still feel a little tingly, and there's a nice chunk missing from the inside of my upper lip. (By the way, I strongly encourage anyone considering collagen lip implants to contact me, as I've discovered a far cheaper solution for that puffy, pouty, full-lipped look so many of today's popular models have.)

Very soon, I expect to be receiving a cease-and-desist order from attorneys representing Stallone, for infringing upon his trademarked sneer each time I make an attempt at a grin. ("Adrian!!!!")

The backs of my hands look a little gnarly, I suspect I'm going to lose the toenail on the big toe of my right foot within the next couple of days, and my left knee is sporting a look that resembles a failed attempt to combine a softball with a grapefruit.

(And now that the blood has clotted, I look a bit like the undead. Bruce Campbell, eat your heart out! On the upside, if I still look like this by October, I won't need a Halloween costume!)

Nothing is broken, short of my pride, though the sweet bliss of adrenalin is wearing off, so I can't say more now, as I must answer the call of my medicine cabinet.

(In retrospect, I'm really quite amazed I neither broke my nose, nor any facial bones, nor any teeth. I was "lucky", in that I didn't impact the ground at a slightly worse angle. Granted, the flesh that got shredded is pretty bad, both inside and outside my mouth, which is more apparent now that I've extracted the tiny bits of concrete from myself. Charming.)

Hope your day is going better than mine. :-)

(Obligatory pop-culture quote:

 "HEY!! Want another souvenir?"
    -- Ellen Ripley, Alien: Resurrection)

-- Russ